Traces Of You
by Pandora Lillith
Summary: A ByaRuki One-shot. Rukia's reflection of her life in the aftermath of Aizen's betrayal. Rated T just to be safe.


Originally published as the Prologue Chapter to my fanfic of the same title, I am now re-posting it as a One-shot. Thanks for reading. Enjoy!

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_**Traces Of You**_

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The war is over. All is right with the world again. Humanity does not have a clue, but we do. We have rebuilt the damaged structures along with the pieces of our lives and we will remember. We will never be the same, shattered by the immense betrayal of one of our own kind. But we have learned from our mistakes. Finally. There's no more room to hide behind our once staunch ideals. We won. In more ways than we could've imagined. The path was arduous, darkness engulfed us and doom threatened.

Yet through hope and loss and love we stood, we fought, we buried our dead. We were saved.

The night was cool and peaceful and trees swayed in rhythm to the soft breeze. By flickering lamplight a few diligently continued their days work, some went to their slumber and more still lay resting oblivious to the world outside of their doors once again.

I toss and turn fitfully in a desperate bid to override the flux of images replaying in my mind. My body trembles, my brow creases and a cold sweat breaks out over my skin in an attempt to fight this subconscious battle. It was that nightmare again...a memory, distorted into a nightmare. One I thought that I had finally overcome after years of grief and torment.

"_Kaien..."_

The name on my mind parts from my lips as a soft moan. Kaien, the first man I had loved and lost...He was my light, my rock.

Plunged into the unknown life of nobility, torn from the life I once knew and filled with confusion and self-doubt, it was Kaien who made me shine again. Trapped in between two lives, I hadn't understood then and it was he who changed that.

Sure I knew it wouldn't - couldn't - come to anything. Kaien had loved his wife Miyako with all his heart but just being with him, near him, had been enough.

When my sword pierced his chest, and Kaien thanked me for setting him free, my whole being shattered. I didn't want to go on living, the heartbreak was so strong. In time the wounds healed. Until Aaroneiro, the ninth Espada of Aizen's Arrancar army who in its Hollow form had consumed Kaien's body. I killed him too. I had to, for this being dared to defile Kaien's memory. It was agony and punishment.

I nearly died then, would have if my adoptive brother Byakuya hadn't saved me from the seventh Espada Zommari Rureaux, intent on finishing the job Aaroneiro failed. The exact details of how Byakuya did it, I'm not aware of. He won't tell me, so I don't ask, but there is a sense of something and for some inexplicable reason it makes me smile. Maybe it's the faintest misty look he gets in those slate-grey eyes of his...or it could be my imagination, even wishful thinking.

In the aftermath of Kaien's death, if it hadn't been for Ukitake taicho, the father I never had, I would have wasted away. Juushiro Ukitake, Captain of the thirteenth division of the Gotei 13, my Captain. With a heart of pure gold, I trust him with my life. He is an enigma. A joyous firmament of my existence that I hope will always remain. If anyone deserves a happy ending, he would come in first place.

Rousing myself from the uneasy state of being that was neither sleep nor direct consciousness, I tiptoe out of my room. As exhausted as I am, I can't bear to face that plaguing dream again, at least not right now. Sliding the screen door silently closed behind me, I trudge my way into the garden in small silent bursts lest I be discovered, though I doubt I will. The household has closed down for the night and not likely to arise for a few more hours yet.

The garden is serenely beautiful, and so it should be considering its designer. Truth be told if I could be anywhere but here, I would be. The problem is this Manor is so big and like all large places, they have eyes. This is Byakuya's private garden and no one would dare tread here...no one that is, but me. It is for that reason that I come here to this forbidden sanctuary. I'm sure he knows I do. He has a way of knowing these things, but unless he catches me outright, he hasn't said a word. Perhaps more appropriately, it is a pretense to avoid the possible confrontation between us. I hope that the reason he has chosen not to say anything is because this is the last place I can feel free. Either way I am grateful.

Every time I come here, no matter how many times, it is always like the first time. This garden is forever changing and each time it has a new message, new secrets to be discovered, new stories to be told. A new mystery to be born. In a way I feel like this garden, and yet I cannot compare to its graceful beauty. Still, I will carry on, twisting and turning to the ebb and flow that is my life.

My name is Rukia Kuchiki. This is my story and like this garden there is another yet to be told. I wonder what direction my path will take. No doubt I will soon find out...

Before Kaien, Ukitake or Byakuya there was and still is, Renji Abarai. Though we lost each other for some years after I was adopted into the Kuchiki House, one of the four great Noble Houses in the Soul Society.

You could say that he was my first love. A love born out of hardship and a need for survival. We were orphans, outcasts, forgotten stains on the cloth of lower-class society. Call us any name you want, we were thieves and derelicts. We found each other and held firm to the hope that the hand we were dealt with wouldn't be our last. And it wasn't. Renji and I made the decision to leave the slums and come to the Soul Academy. And here we are still. Renji is one of my closest friends. The lovable idiot. The fire to my ice. Corny, but true.

That brings me to Byakuya. I have loved him since the moment I first laid eyes on him. There I said it. I won't bore you with the details...you will find out soon enough. It's him and has always been, but he is not mine. To me he is everything and nothing at the same time. Though we have been locked in each others lives for decades, it has been wrought with pain and loss. For I am the embodiment of the sister I never knew, and she for five short years was the wife he fought the very foundations of his nobility for the right to be with.

None of that matters now. That is all in the past and one cannot regret what they do not know. Yet it was for that reason that we weren't close. That too has changed now. We aren't there yet, but given the time I think we will be. I feel it in my heart. Where is there, you ask? That too I can't say for I simply do not know.

Sinking into the early hours of a rising dawn the wind whips me in my thin cotton nightdress making me shiver from the cold. How long I've been here now, I am not sure. Only that I'm not ready to leave yet, so I stay.

There is one more person of note; His name is Ichigo Kurosaki. He lives in the Real World because quite simply...he isn't dead yet. Confused? Believe me, I was too when I first met this human. The pain part is that he looks like an almost exact replica of Kaien. The difference being his orange hair and deep amber-colored eyes versus Kaien's black hair and sea-blue eyes. It killed me at first, and yet I gave him my Soul Reaper powers so he could save his family.

Like Kaien before him, Ichigo changed my life, in ways I never knew possible. In fact he changed all of our lives as well as forcing Soul Society to reevaluate its ideals, whether we wanted to or not. We Soul Reapers simply weren't prepared for Ichigo, but we've learned now.

It all started when Ichigo came for me. I was condemned to die... Hm, maybe you can sense a pattern here... I mention Death alot, then again I am a Death god. We exist to protect the souls of the innocent and guide them through to the Afterlife.

When Central 46 sentenced me to be executed, Ichigo was the main driving force behind my rescue. It was after this incident that a bridge formed between Byakuya and I.

I will never regret my crime of giving Ichigo my powers. We wouldn't still be here if it hadn't been for him, and I would follow Ichigo to the depths of Hell and back if I have to. That is 'our thing', in a nutshell. I dare anyone to challenge us and what we stand for. You will fail. That is my belief, my faith in this man. He will never give up until his last breath.

These are my men, and I love each and every one of them in my own way. Through these bonds, loves and relationships, we will surge onward. There isn't one among them that I could imagine my world without, so I hope I never have to.

Now I can feel the vestiges of sleep edging itself finally towards me and I succumb in almost desperate relief, giving into the uncontrollable urge to curl up and rest. For just a moment...

Until next time...

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He waited patiently in the shadows, adept at masking his own reiatsu, until he was sure she was lost in the confines of sleep. Only then did he creep into the garden, not wanting to encroach on her avenue of healing.

He knew she came here when it all became too overwhelming, and he allowed it. If this was what she needed, then he would share it gladly. She wasn't to know how much she truly meant to him, but maybe one day they would reach the point when they could. What point was that? That's a secret only time can reveal, for that is the essence of our lives as Soul Reapers.

We can't tell what lies ahead of us. For now this garden would say what he couldn't.

Casting a furtive glance across the budding blooms, he smiled. Perfect. The flowers he had planted just for her would bloom soon, and perhaps she would see and know.

_"Perhaps..."_

Gently picking her up he carried her back to the comfiness of her own bed where she could rest properly. Peaceful at last. A subconscious action, Rukia snuggled deeper into his arms.

Somehow he had known she would come here tonight. It was becoming a more frequent occurrence, and to say it wasn't starting to concern him was a downright lie. But what could he do?

Ignoring the tug in his chest, he would simply keep on waiting and hoping that time healed this reopened wound like last time, and Byakuya hoped further still that he wouldn't lose her in the end.

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**Disclaimer: **Bleach and all of its Characters belong to Tite Kubo.


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